Please Don't Tell Her

Reality

Melodrama

There are so many places I'd rather be than here. The sense of stability and the established routine is getting really really boring. It's time for a new challenge, a new environment. I've got a year and a half to go, hopefully there will be a window of opportunity somewhere, and I'll grab it with both hands.

Serenity

There will always be, locks that will not open, doors that will not budge. No matter how hard you try to unlock it, or how much patience one has, if you can't find or craft the key, perhaps you're just not meant to open it.

Eventually, I'll stop knocking if no one answers the door. It's too frustrating, too time consuming, too emotionally draining. Nevertheless, the pictures in my mind will always burn vividly.

There's no intention whatsoever now to launch a quest to discover the key, if I stumble upon one day, some day, deep into my travels, then it's great. But I'm not out to look for it. It's just not mine to find.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Am I Unwise, To Open Up Your Eyes

I'm back in Melbourne after a thoroughly enjoyable holiday back in Penang. And I seem to have brought the Malaysian sunshine back to Melbourne as well! Has been brilliantly sunny and bright, replacing much of the gloomy, grim winter weather which was blanketing the city when I left. We're so close into Spring time! My absolute favourite time of the year, not too chilly and not too warm, it's a great time to go out and enjoy everything Melbourne has to offer.

At least its a little consolation of leaving the comfort and luxuries of home. Perhaps the shorter holiday plus the self-imposed one week quarantine period has helped me sort out my priorities, family, friends, education, and of course trying to find my own footing in this world of uncertainties. Sometimes, it's not easy for a 20-year-old to discover a pathway for himself, whether to tread on beaten tracks, or to go where no man has gone before (sorry, couldn't help myself, it's moonweek).

I'll keep my head down. Work hard, face the presented challenges and just see what happens.

Goodnight

Went to BM this morning to drop by at Grandparents place, the 1-hour round trip was good 'me-time'. Head blank, iPod on full blast and just drive. Somehow managed to get myself safely home despite the semi-intoxicated state i was in.

Results out few days ago, nothing to complain about, personally i think its a fair reflection of the effort that I put in. Next semester is going to be difficult no matter how u see it, all four subjects sounding more complex than the next.

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So much in my head, yet I cannot put it into words. I don't know how to say it, don't know who to say it to, and don't know what will result of it. Slowly boiling within me, when it spills over, I fear it's not going to be pretty.

Nevertheless, staying still is not an option.

21 Things

First entry since I'm back and there's a pretty good reason for it, I'm stuck at home. No, not because of the flu but the torrential rain that has been pouring since 8pm. Wrecked the night's plan for a drink at Ferrighi nice and proper.

Speaking about this relentless downpour, if just one of these hit Melbourne, it will literally shock them to death. One way or another. Ill-equiped for any rain any harder than mamak-stall-esque water dispensing/spraying fans, floods will be inevitable.

Anyways, this thunderstorm would do a great deal to clear the haze that has been blanketing the state for weeks. Yet, it weirdly it does nothing to cool down the temperature in my sweltering hot room.

Hammers & Strings

Trying so very very hard to concentrate on my accounting paper. So far the efforts have been futile. With nearly everyone around me already done with their exams, the holiday mood is slowly creeping in. The fact that I'm so close to going home doesn't help. I can already smell that glorious char koey teow. And the gym work afterwards... Oh well, that has to be on the backburners, and the job at hand has to be dealt with.

What did I tell you about the Top Gear lads, told you they had something cheeky to unveil. Schumi as The Stig, nice one guys. Nice of him to bring along his FXX for the visit too.

Jack's Mannequin's on the playlist. On Shuffle and Repeat. Pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now. The right words elude me.

We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.

What better way to bid a warm farewell to Silverstone than a brilliant British GP eh? Although pretty much uneventful at the front, at least it's not another Button victory. The real excitement was in the middle or end of the pack, Hiedfield battled with Alonso early on, then mid-race had quite a duel with Hamilton. For 15th place. Imagine that, the reigning champion and a double world champion battling out of their skin for a non-point position. Good stuff that. The other world champion in the field, Kimi, managed to get in the last point paying position at 8th. Stowe Corner, Becketts and Copse, we'll miss you dear.

Top Gear is back on! Have been missing the lads for a bit. Can't wait to see what's in store this season. Clarkson and co always have something up their sleeves. Six months without Top Gear is simply too much.

Contemplating if I should be flying back for the holidays. Asked a couple of mates who already travelled back from the UK and Australia about the health checks and other precautions conducted by the MOH. I think there's just to much to miss out on, besides, quite a waste of time to remain in Melbourne with nothing to do. So now my options are to buy my own oxygen supply, buy out the entire business class, swim back, or just get a decent mask and hope for the best.

BUT.. There's quite a different perspective about the whole situation here. Not a single mention about the flu on The Age's website, while The Star has NOTHING BUT coverage of the virus. To get latest updates about the situation in Australia visit the official Ministry of Health website. Health Emergency - Update bulletins for H1N1 09. It's weird in a way when the toll reads AUS 2000+ cases v MAS 50+ cases. So far, 1 casualty. I quote 'He had a number of pre-existing chronic diseases in addition to being a confirmed case of H1N1 Influenza 09. '

Make It Real

Barely a wink of sleep in 72 hours, empty RedBull cans scattered across the apartment, used tea bags high and low, coffee shop receipts left right and centre. This week's papers got me screwed up nice and proper. Still one more to go next Thursday. The dreaded Financial Accounting. Oh joy.

Sleeping schedule is now more akin to an European timezone. I see the sun then I sleep. Of course, will try to recitify it this weekend, by sleeping all day Saturday. Hopefully recharging everything to prepare for the final push.

The flu issue has been quite annoying. Back home, family are worried that I catch the bug while on the plane. I quite understand but plenty of people have already been on flights back and the reported cases are limited. It should be fine. Hopefully.

Lifeboats

Saturday, I should be studying for Ethics and Governance. Instead, I'm here typing on the annoyingly reliable MacBook. The new MacBook Pro now comes as a 13 incher as well so i'm hoping for a change but this one has been serving me so well for the past four years I'm reluctant to switch. Other than a trip to the 'hospital' where the little MacBook got it's harddisk changed, it hasn't given me much problems hardware wise. The same cannot be said however for issues with the software. Since there's so many things that a Mac can't support I've resorted to the ever-so-annoying bootcamp to run the ever-so-complicated Windows. I swear if I could do without Windows I would.

As usual I'm feeling more or less the same, back to where I was. There's a lot to look forward to after the papers. So i'm pretty optimistic. Take it as it comes, and learn to appreciate the finer things in life. I've always cherished every little thing and every moment of opportunity that I get. Hopefully more doors open, as one thing always leads to another. Not sure if it can ever be planned, because things usually just happen.

It's Le Mans 24 hours weekend. One of the most epic endurance races in the world, where racers compete over 24 hours to see who can drive the furthest and fastest. A real test of both mental and physical strenght, not to mention a definite challenge of driver skill. Envious of those buggers in Europe with coverage of the entire 24 hours live. Will try to follow the happenings as much as I can online. Jacques Villneuve not racing this year, so i'm fairly neutral.

Here We Are

Feeling upbeat for the coming exams. The extraordinarily sparse schedule gives me more than sufficient time to study, but is it adequate? Everything's been rumbling on just fine, life is like an unstoppable nuclear-powered locomotive, charging on regardless of anything.

Trying to deal with things my own way, although it may be the hard way. Sometimes, after banging your head repeatedly on the same bloody wall, you'd tell yourself that the wall's coming down sooner or later. Not very smart, eh?

Anyway, seriously looking forward to the break now, a chance to recharge, regroup, hit the gym at 10pm and clear my head. As I found out in the last summer break, gym sessions at night when it's only you, yourself, and the weight machines, are particularly therapeutic, despite the permanent stench of sweat in the air-conditioned room full of steel and bars. Running on the treadmill view a of the sea, ESPN on the telly above, iPod on full with in-ear headphones, you have time for yourself.

Think about it, when was the last time you had a nice 'me-time'. Normally, you're the dutiful son, the hardworking student, the careful driver, the loyal partner, the go-to guy, the best friend, the not-so-best friend, the brilliant mathematician, the hope of the generation...

When were you just... you..?